Hot Feminist - Why George is our new role model

How great is this? Clooney thrilled to be marrying Alpha Amal   brides.com

He's spent the last twenty years being praised for being the world's ultimate Alpha Male, so it's good to see George Clooney emerging as strong voice for women in the driving seat. Clearly thrilled to be  married to Alpha Amal, he is happy to tell anyone who will listen how much he admires her work and how she is far more intelligent than him.  Earlier this year he was even interviewed on Women's Hour.  In a cosy interview with Jenny Murray,  he sounded as one with the sisterhood as he explained how his production company, Smokehouse Pictures,  is run by 'smart, strong women'. He's supportive of raising awareness of the gender pay gap - citing revelations about pay disparity in Hollywood as 'the only good thing that came of the Sony leak'.

Ageing naturally?
Further evidence of George's commitment to gender equality were his comments in the interview about the ageing process. He predictably denied any unnatural interventions saying that surgery actually made men look older and advocating an accepting approach to ageing.  Very convenient if you happen to be one of the world's most attractive men for whom grey hair is actually enhancing, but terrifying for most of us for whom the thought of facing the world with grey hair, VPLs and unwaxed legs is right up there with dreaming you're giving a speech naked.

It's very hard to feel like you can take on the boardroom boys club if you're not feeling confident in the way you look.   Self-confidence is a huge part of success.  And I'm certainly muddled about whether my urge to avoid the seven signs of ageing (really - only seven??) is fatally at odds with my equally strong desire to see women treated equally.

Since the seventies we've been presented with the idea that we can't be supportive of gender equality and looking good at the same time.  Most of us associate feminism with role models like Germaine Greer and Erica Jong.  Interviewed recently for the launch of her new book 'Fear of Dying', Jong was angry about the progress on gender equality since her classic 'Fear of Flying' was published over forty years ago.  She described it as a constant battle saying "we have made a third of a revolution, a half of a revolution. I really believe feminism is like democracy -- when you stop fighting for it, it slips away".

Greer still fighting.. Huffingtonpost

Greer is also keeping herself angry - swearing liberally several times in a particularly punchy
interview with Kirsty Wark on last week's Newsnight about why Greer has been de-listed by her old Cambridge college because they don't like her controversial views on transgender politics. 

At least you know where you are with these two.  You can rely on them to celebrate the traditional feminist values of anger, a casual attitude to underwear and a general air that women who celebrate their femininity are letting down the sisterhood.

We owe them a huge debt.  Their hardcore attitudes raised awareness of women's inequality and provided the foundation for the widespread acceptance that women should be entitled to the same rights and rewards as men.  I'm a strong supporter of their legacy but truth be told I've never been very comfortable with the anger. Amazingly, even high achiever Amal was subjected to criticism by the feminist lobby - for changing her name to Clooney. Like many women, I'd like to support the ideas but dial back the anger and make the best of myself without feeling guilty.

Wife of Bath for the 21st Century 

Polly Vernon - a 21st Century Wife of Bath?   EveningStandard

Searching for a middle ground, journalist Polly Vernon's recent book with the great title 'Hot Feminist' - caught my eye. Central to her  argument is that you can be a feminist and be interested in clothes and make up.  It was destroyed in the Guardian - in a lengthy and brutal review Helen Lewis said "What you cannot do is rewrite feminism into a sloppy self-help movement whose main aim is to make you feel better about your thighs". Louise Carpenter in the Telegraph was kinder, describing Vernon as the 'wife of Bath for the 21st Century', concluding that Vernon loves women and is rooting for them - citing Madeline Albright's famous comment that 'there is a special place in Hell for women that don't help other women'.

Judging by Amal's emergence as a fashion icon I doubt she suffers from wardrobe nightmares or sports a drawerful of Spanx.  But for those of us dealing with the day-to-day realities of succeeding in a male dominated workplace  anything that makes us feel better about wobbly thighs gets my vote.  It's a a stretch to celebrate cellulite as a feminist act and I'm happy to leave most of the anger to others.  Instead we can be thankful to our mothers for burning their bras and relieved that we don't have to - celebrating instead that the finest minds in the fashion industry have turned their attention to jeans with artfully placed pockets and clever dyes that make us look pounds lighter delivering a great confidence boost at the same time.

Regal Role Model - Is the Queen the ultimate Alpha Female?



Solitary Splendour               Annie Leibovitz

Watching footage this week of the landmark longevity of the Queen's reign, I found myself congratulating her and thinking how much I respect her. I'm not particularly royalist, so I rather surprised myself by how strongly I felt she deserved thanks and gratitude.

What is it about her that has made her so successful for so long and does she have anything to teach us about how to be successful as a senior public woman? I think she does.

Not many of us are born into leadership.  But apart from that, the more I thought about it, the more I think she models many of the traits I have identified as important for long term sustainable leadership for women.

Style

http://bobs-diary.blogspot.co.uk/2007_04_01_archive.html

She knows what she likes, what suits her and what is practical.  And she sticks to it.  A dress is a practical option for most senior women - and she has to spend quite a bit of time outside looking at parades, planting trees and suchlike so a matching coat is a must-have.  And it covers your arms.   According to the delightful children's book The Queen's Knickers, she has pairs for every occasion - corgi patterned ones for relaxing at home, union jack ones for state events and many more.  She has picked her hairstyle and she's consistent.  Mind you, she needs to be.  Having your face on a coin makes seeing those embarrassing pictures of you pop up in your FB timeline look easy. 

89? Me? Just another day at the office  BBC

Keeping on Working
She is 89.  And she's working every day, apparently completely on top of the job.  She has to see the Prime Minister every week to understand and respond to the issues of the day as well as considering the finer points of banquet small talk and whether she can talk Philip out of upsetting the visiting dignitaries.   She's a fine example of keeping on working and if I have as much energy as she does at her age I will be thrilled.

Commitment
She promised herself to the nation all those years ago and that does go a bit beyond the corporate governance rules about protecting the public interest. But she has to prioritize the demands of the job over the family which is very familiar.

Handling People Problems
Unlike most of us in the corporate world, she doesn't have to worry about being replaced.  But this is a relatively new benefit for her.  Most of her ancestors had to worry about pretenders around every corner who might raise an army and storm into London to take their throne by force.  Much worse that worrying about being censored by the Board or lambasted on Twitter.

St George's Hall after the fire

Her team (they call the Royal Family the Firm) is her family.  And she has had more problems with them than most CEOs could stomach.  Divorces (three in one year out of four children), affairs, tabloid scandals - remember the toe-sucking? - bereavement,  her home burning down (well nearly).  OK she has a selection of homes, but this one had been around for a thousand years...And all she said, demonstrating great understatement - about it was:

"1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure... it has turned out to be an 'Annus Horribilis'".

Now that's getting on with it.

Spouse as supporter
Philip is a trailing spouse.  He's dedicated his life to making her successful.  OK he didn't stretch to childcare but all those courtiers have to do something.

Hilarity at the Highland Games.  Who knew?  The Mirror

Work life balance
She's always pursued hobbies outside work.  Corgis, horses and summer holidays watching caber tossing.  Not many people's choice for a relaxing summer break, but each to their own. 


Congratulations Ma'am.  We salute you as a role model we can all learn from.

Long may she reign.

Boardroom Blues - paying the hidden price of success

https://fullmoonrunner.wordpress.com/category/mindgames/

Just as we thought we had finally cracked the Glass Ceiling, it seems that life on the other side might be making us sick. New academic research  reported by Anna Maxted in this weeks Times shows growing levels of burnout among senior women.  Experts explained  that women in their forties are most susceptible with growing numbers experiencing a form of extreme stress which in medical terms is heading towards depression. "Women are trying to forge ahead professionally, they have children, elderly parents and they're trying to hold it all together".

Perfectionism can clearly be toxic to health and happiness.  As more women take on senior roles, more 'Alpha Females' are emerging and it's doing us real harm.  These are typically senior high achieving women who want to be perfect in all aspects of their lives - well-rounded children, a partner who is her soulmate plus a chic home, a wardrobe to create envy amongst her friends and all that on less that six hours sleep a night.

We have always had a tendency to be our own harshest critics so why is this getting worse?  I think we're victims of our own success.  Ironically now that being the prime breadwinner is becoming much more the norm, women are now under pressure to earn the sort of high salaries that fund private school fees, three holdiays a year and a house in London or the Home Counties.

According to Family and Childcare Trust, childcare costs have risen by a third in five years pushing many families into one parent caring for children rather than work to pay for childcare  Living costs for the squeezed middle classes are rising at a breathtaking speed and it is increasingly these women on the other side of the Glass Ceiling who are feeling the full force of the pressure to meet those expectations for their families.

The chief chillaxer shows how it done   DailyMail

Part of the problem is our desire to put ourselves under insane amounts of pressure.  Alpha female tendencies plus a healthy dose of female guilt are not things our male counterparts suffer from.  Because men don't worry much about these issues, they use most of their emotional energy to deliver results at work then 'chillax' at the weekends with their families.

Another, less discussed issue is how men whose wives are now the primary breadwinners handle the emotional dynamic of playing supporter. Less naturally the nurturers, they may well find their wife owning the pressure of keeping up the house, fees and family expectations is very disempowering.  It's bad enough that they don't earn more money, now they are not responsible for the long term welfare of their families. That's a big shift.

Men and women can - thankfully - now both be primary breadwinners or primary carers pretty interchangeably.  But in lots of other ways the sexes are not the same.  They handle stress differently and men whose wives are the primary breadwinner need to be able to empathise not just transfer how they would feel in the same position.  More should be done to build support networks for men who are the primary carers and this should include this kind of education and honest discussion.

We should continue to monitor our own perfectionist tendencies to avoid self-destructive behaviour.  Perhaps we should all have our own checklists - don't sweat the small stuff and decide with your partner what are the trade-offs you're prepared to make for example are you happy to put your children in different schools if it takes some of the financial pressure off you?

We can't wait around to get this right.  If women are going to successfully consolidate the tremendous gains we have made to secure senior roles then we need to adjust or we'll find ourselves the victims of our own success.  This really is doable - we just need to be self aware and take care of ourselves.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

It is well documented that women frequently pursue perfection in all areas of their lives.  This can partly be attributed to society and media role models, but women famously make their lives harder by being far more perfectionist than men. 

The journalist Eleanor Mills calls this the 'alpha imperative'.  We want to be perfect - as mothers, as colleagues, as wives, as friends - and will exhaust ourselves and those around us to achieve this.

A survey by the Girl Guides (surely a last bastion of wholesomeness?) revealed that despite an endless procession of gruesome TV documentaries showing the consequences of botched operations, more than half of girls surveyed would consider plastic surgery.  Botox and fillers are a normal unquestioned part of life for many women.  There seems to be an unspoken but firmly held view that it is ok to look 35 but no more. 

Every woman had a different view on the ageing process - how if affects them and how they deal with it emotionally and practically.  So far I have resisted the surgeon's knife and non -surgical treatments.  Until recently I didn't even consider it, and anyway I am terrified of needles and hospitals so I can't imagine myself willingly submitting to surgery unless it was purely on health grounds. But I am not sure quite how I am going to reconcile myself with this as I see time starting to impose lumps and dips in the wrong places. 

I have no such qualms about grey hair.  My hairdresser is a patient and objective advisor and apart from one of our early attempts at concealing grey which left me a nasty shade of orange - an event which still makes him shudder, we have a good routine. I do exactly what he says and turn up every two months.  

Men sometimes say they envy women's ability to use make-up to show the world their best face. This is something in most women's comfort zone and I think is a secret weapon to boost confidence in business.  I used to spend a fortune on designer 'natural' products, believing that only the designer houses would make the investments necessary to create that breakthrough - the product that makes you look a better version of yourself.  I've seen the light - trips to Space NK are now strictly for special occasions turning instead to products such as the  very affordable BB range  that I think work as well as products that cost two or three times as much. I am British to the core in this - its important not to look like you're not trying too hard.   Of course as the 'real' you deteriorates these products need to do more and more...

Generally my advice is to do whatever you feel you need to make yourself feel confident and in control - to reach the point where you don't have to worry about how you look.  Men don't - a smart shirt suit and tie are for most a soothing uniform and they put it on and forget all about it. We can do the same.  I always take extra care on difficult days - when I have something particularly tough to do. Anything that makes you feel more confident has to be a good idea.